Monthly Archives: October 2011
Over the weekend, I was talking to a couple of my girlfriends about something that only people of our generation will really understand…dial up internet. Our parents didn’t use internet in middle school and high school and even those who used it as adults in their everyday work life didn’t use it like our generation did/does. Internet will be about as common as flipping on a TV to our kids…in fact, its likely that they won’t believe that people could survive without them-similar to the way our generation is appalled by the thought of TVs that are only made in black and white.
I still remember when we would get the “Free Trial Disk” from AOL in the mail (real mail) about every week. I wanted it SOOOO bad. All my friends had AOL, and my family only had stupid Netscape. For years I was bummed that all my friends could hop on AIM and since I only had Netscape and a Hotmail account I couldn’t. That is, of course until I discovered that I could download AIM and chat away! This “chatting away” that I just mentioned was short lived though, because of course my family had only one phone line. Come on, did you honestly think that the family that had Netscape instead of Real-Deal-AOL would have a separate line for the computer?? My parents only got call waiting a year or so ago for crying out loud! Ahh…I digress…where were we? Oh, yes…dial up internet. So, since my internet was strictly limited because of the one-phone-line situation, I had to come up with plans in order to make sure that I could get my chat on. You know, like sneak into the computer room really late at night when my parents were sleeping and go on AIM (all the cool kids were always on-even late at night…their parents had a special line just for the computer haha). Even a “buddy system” if you will, where your BFF would call you to let you know so-and-so was online so hurry up! When someone would call you to come online, it was always stressful because with the damn dial up, it took so long to get on that you were always worried you’d miss the person you wanted to talk to. When you did finally get online, even back then there was politics .
Situation: You are online, and your crush comes on. Action: Obviously you can’t IM them right away. Optimally, they will IM you, but if that doesn’t happen right away, you have to wait at least 3 -5 minutes before IMing them to avoid looking like a stalker. The funny part about it is that after putting all this work into the wait, undoubtedly the conversation would go something like this:
Me: nm u?
Then, its like “shit…dead end…what do I say now?” In no more than 11 letters, you have said hi, asked how each other were doing and determined that you both have nothing better to do with your time than sit at a computer and electronically talk to your friends. In a good situation, someone will come up with something to say, but most of the time, that small interaction will be enough to talk to your friends about for a while. And this worked out for people for years, until, of course, it was eliminated via the force of survival of the fittest. While there are probably still people out there that use the original AIM or AOL (sounds crazy to me, but I have seen it!), lets leave it at that was a simpler day where the only way to e-stalk people was through the quote in their away message.
So this morning I was sitting at a stop light on my way to work, half in a daze, when I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker. At first glance, I assumed it said vegetarian. So immediately, I thought to myself, who cares if you’re a vegetarian…not me. Then I took a second glance and realized that it didn’t say vegetarian, but rather vaginaterian. WTF does that even mean? First of all, its gross. Second of all, its freaking impossible. Anyways, that’s my little Friday thought…thought I’d share how ridiculous people can be.
It has come to my attention that the Guinness Book of World Records is now available. No, I’m not in it for anything, but in many ways I am relieved about that because most of the people/things in there are freaks of nature. The freak that I would like to examine today is Chris “The Dutchess” Walton, as she humbly refers to herself. Now what is it that she’s famous for? Oh, just having the longest nails in the world…each nail is approximately 2 feet long totaling to over 20 feet of glory. Now, although you may assume someone with this blatant lack of hygiene would be somewhat mentally handicapped, The Dutchess claims that she has no problem with everyday life (except for clothing alterations to fit her nails through sleeves). In fact, she says that she “didn’t mean to grow them, she just woke up one day and they were there”. Are you kidding me! It took over 18 years to grow those suckers! You’re trying to say that in 18 years…the amount of time it takes to have a baby and then have them grow up to an adult and leave your house…not one time did it ever cross your mind to take out some clippers, or even a nail file for crying out loud? When asked about cutting her nails, she compared it to cutting off a leg saying “something like that requires a lot of thinking”. Hey, you know what requires a lot of thinking? Being a normal person! This is absolutely ludicrous! I’m just happy for her that she was able to scratch her way into the record book…bravo The Dutchess…bravo.
Recently I was traveling and when I finally got to my home airport – Bradley International – I was waiting for my bag at baggage claim. For some reason, my bag is always dead last when coming through baggage claim, which is kind of annoying, but it also gives me some time to relax and watch how worked up people get while waiting for their luggage. Basically what happens is that everyone kind of just hangs out and waits around, and everything seems cool. Then, the second the baggage “belt” starts going its almost like the tension goes up 10 fold. You can immediately see everyone (especially the old people) get in stance…like as if their rolling suitcase, which is coming at them at the speed of 10 feet per minute is going to wiz by without warning and not come by again! Ha, there’s also the people that check each and every bag to make sure its not theirs, like they forgot what bag they stuffed their clothes in 4 hours ago, or the “flippers” that turn every suitcase over, you know, to “help”, when really they are just in everyone’s way. And then…well then there’s something that even I haven’t seen before, and I’ve seen some pretty ridiculous things. This woman pulls something off the baggage belt that from afar looks like a brand new comforter in it’s packaging. If that’s what it really was, that would be one thing, but no. This woman, legitimately has a thick plastic cover on her beloved rolling bag. Are ya kiddin me!? This is by far one of the tackiest things I’ve ever witnessed in the flesh. Guarantee this woman has plastic covers on her couches and a travel-sized purelle attached to her key-chain. Honestly, there are some things that people should just be embarrassed about, and this…well this is one of them.
So for years now I’ve been waiting for the fanny pack to come back, and it’s just not. I get that people make fun of it on a regular basis and pretty much everywhere in the US its an unacceptable thing to wear, and in London its even an unacceptable word to say (in public), but what I don’t get is WHY?! I mean seriously, its a hands free bag that has different compartments for all of your equipment and to top it all off, its strapped to your body. Its a no-brainer…Maybe I just feel this way because I’m forgetful and basically loose my phone, keys, credit card, chapstick and pretty much everything else the second that it leaves my hands…and that’s when I’m sober…when I’m drinking-forget it! By bringing the pack back, you’ll have no more digging through your overnight-bag-sized-purse looking for your phone, no more trying to remember where you put your purse down, and ultimately, no more worries about your purse or any of its contents getting lost or stolen. With the fanny back, its pretty much impossible.
I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now, but was sparked to write about it when I saw a woman at the Santa Barbara airport with a fanny pack…now lets just ignore the fact that shes also wearing a jean vest and focus on what’s important here. With both hands free, she is able to do whatever she wants, and she doesnt even have to worry about her goods!
The last time I had a fanny pack, I was a little kid…maybe 4 or 5. I remember I was on vacation with my family and in this parking lot I found a Monarch Butterfly. It was dead, so I decided that it would be awesome to bring it home as a souvenir, so I put it into my fanny pack. Later that day, I tried to open my pack so I could show my ma my sweet find, but unfortunately the butterfly’s wings got all caught up in the fanny pack zipper and unfortunately my day ended with no butterfly and no fanny pack. My mom made me throw it away…it was a dark day in the world of Erin.