2012 Guinness Book of World Records – Now Available
It has come to my attention that the Guinness Book of World Records is now available. No, I’m not in it for anything, but in many ways I am relieved about that because most of the people/things in there are freaks of nature. The freak that I would like to examine today is Chris “The Dutchess” Walton, as she humbly refers to herself. Now what is it that she’s famous for? Oh, just having the longest nails in the world…each nail is approximately 2 feet long totaling to over 20 feet of glory. Now, although you may assume someone with this blatant lack of hygiene would be somewhat mentally handicapped, The Dutchess claims that she has no problem with everyday life (except for clothing alterations to fit her nails through sleeves). In fact, she says that she “didn’t mean to grow them, she just woke up one day and they were there”. Are you kidding me! It took over 18 years to grow those suckers! You’re trying to say that in 18 years…the amount of time it takes to have a baby and then have them grow up to an adult and leave your house…not one time did it ever cross your mind to take out some clippers, or even a nail file for crying out loud? When asked about cutting her nails, she compared it to cutting off a leg saying “something like that requires a lot of thinking”. Hey, you know what requires a lot of thinking? Being a normal person! This is absolutely ludicrous! I’m just happy for her that she was able to scratch her way into the record book…bravo The Dutchess…bravo.