Shut your mouth you dirty little hamster!…and much more

You guys aren’t sick of Jersey Shore posts yet right?  Ok, good!  So obvi last night’s episode was crazy and entertaining.  I gotta tell ya, I didn’t know Vinny was such a mama’s boy…well I guess I kind of knew that, but I didn’t he’d start crying for god’s sake.  Also, who else thinks that Snookie should just come clean already?  I mean of course, as I mentioned yesterday, Mike is a humungous douche (which by the way, is a word that my mom used in coversation the other, describing me and my attitude…wonderful – it would be great if I never heard that word come out of her mouth again!) anyways, I digress…where was I?  Oh yes- Mike is a douche for sure and doesn’t need to be bringing up past events to cause DRAMA, but lets face the music here…obviously some sort of a situation happened between snooks and the sitch, so lets just come clean already!!

Anyways, today I wanted to give you a list of top Jersey Shore quotes.  Since it’s so hard to pick 10 out of the millions that are both hilarious and ridiculous if you have any additions, feel free to add them!  In no particular order:

DJ PaulyD:

  • “My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off & go into the ice cream. This hair ain’t movin’ my dude. 150mph on the highway on a street bike… it doesn’t move! What makes you think it’s gonna move in a gelato shop?” – PaulyD in regards to having to wear a hair net in the Gelato shop in Miami in Season 3.
  • “Ryder’s looking good tonight, but she already had sex with Vinny. And I’m not really cool with Vinny’s sloppy seconds, so I don’t really know what to do with her. But, I don’t want to be rude. So, whether you’re the first man in or the last man in, ride her.” -PaulyD in regards to hooking up with Snookie’s friend Ryder after Vinny and Unit.
  • “Snooks got hit in the face again, poor girl … somebody’s got to teach her how to fight. Or duck.” – Pauly after Snookie gets wailed in the bar.
  • “GTF!  Gym, Tan, Find out who Sammi is Texting behind Ronnie’s Back”
  • “You better send roses to the house, you feel me?!  Roses, dawg, with pickles in ’em!!  FRIED PICKLES!”
  • “I’m over here tryin’ to clean my sneaks, I can’t concentrate with all this fighting .. like they’re talkin’ about f*ckin’ relationships and my sneakers are dirty!” -PaulyD in regards to one of the thousands of blowouts between Ronnie and Sammy

Mike the Situation:

  • “It just so happens that Deena defies the laws of intelligence. I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist.”
  • “We’re waiting for Sam, who’s straightening her hair… whose hair is already straight! Come on man! The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.”


  • “Hell has to be just like this.”
  • “[to JWoww, on his bling] It’s like your t!ts. Looks sick, but it’s fake.”
  • “And then there are some girls that are respectful, that you actually have to treat like girls – human beings.” – Vinny


  • [Jersey Shore math] ” Me and Sam actually leave around like 4 o’clock, we’ve been here since 12 o’clock, 5 hours is like enough.”
  • “What I did in Miami, at least I had enough respect for you to do it when you weren’t around.” How can Sammi not see the logic and love in that?
  • “Snooks made the first pizza pie, and it came out pretty good.  and I’m like, if Snooks can do it, we all can do it…you know what i mean?  you know what I mean.”


  • “I can’t see any ice creams, I can’t see any customers, cuz I’m a f*ckin’ Smurf.” -Snookie in regards to being short and working at the gelato shop.
  • “I’m not trashy. Unless I drink too much.” – Snooki I’m pretty sure this one explains itself.
  • “This is why I don’t eat friggen lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it”
  • [Snooki, on the southern guy]Obviously he, like, f*cks his sister for a living.”

Jenni JWow:

  • “I left the club because I didnt want to cheat on my boyfriend….and I wanted to eat ham and drink water.  See?  Ham…water”
  • [in regards to Deena showing her choca to the entire club] “It’s bad enough if a nipple slips when you’re at the club, but you never f*cking forget your underwear. That is (yuck). All I know is, Deena needs a wax.”
  • “We’re working at a f@#king pizzeria in Florence. When I’m 80 years old and I’m making pizza in my kitchen and I’m teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, oh, where’d you make pizza, bitch I made it in Florence, that’s where I made pizza so shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza.”


  • “I have no idea why Sammi’s here. She’s boring. There’s nothing to her. There’s nothing there. She’s like furniture.”
  • “I’m hungover, I’m not having a good time. Work blows d*ck for skittles right now, I wanna kill myself.”
  • [Sammi]’s “probably Ronnie’s backpack anywhere he goes in the club. She’s a female backpack.”
  • “Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like yeah, alright Mike. Do your thing, Kung Fu Panda.”

Sammi Sweetheart:

  • (drunk, to Ronnie) “You stumpy bastard.”
  • “I don’t know what’s going on here because Nicole is all about Jionni, and Deena, are you lesbian?”
  • “I was mature by putting stuff on Ron’s bed but throwing it out is going a little too far.” haha whatever you need to tell yourself sweetheart



About erinHasThoughts

I just started eHT in January of 2011, and I'm shocked and humbled that people read it! For some reason it seems like I am always in the most ridiculous situations and witness things only seen in movies, so I like to share my experiences with all of you. Thanks for reading! xo

Posted on January 6, 2012, in T.V.. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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