Yo Mama

So as an innocent bystander I witnessed a conversation between two boys, about 7 years old, that was just too funny to keep all to myself.  One of them was trying to start up some “yo mama” jokes (and not very good ones at that) and the other…well the other, being such a sweet kid, just wasn’t having it.  The conversation went like this:

Kid 1:  Yo mama’s so fat she can’t even see out the window (for the sake of this story, lets just disregard that this insult doesn’t even make any sense.)

Kid 2:  Do you know how to get the special instructions for Halo?

Kid 1:  Yo mama’s so fat she can’t even see out the window (you know, just in case kid 2 didn’t hear it the first time around)

Kid 2:  Are you calling my mom fat?

Kid 1:  No!  It’s Yo Mama!  It’s Insults!  It’s so funny!  Try it!  Repeat after me!  Yo Mama’s so fat she can’t even see out the window.

Kid 2:  But my mom’s not fat.

Kid 1:  Not your mom!  It can be anyone’s mom…like this:  Barack Obama’s wife is so fat she can’t even look out the window.  (seriously, this kid needs to get some new material, am I right?)

Kid 2:  But Barack Obama’s wife isn’t fat.  She’s really pretty…I don’t want to talk about this, can we talk about how to beat Halo…

 

A Day In The Life of Being on “The Naughty List”

Hello all and Happy Holidays!  I’ve been a HORRIBLE blogger lately, and by “horrible”, what I really mean, is non-existent.  So, what I’m going to do is dive right back in with a bang.  I’m going to back it up to 2008 and tell the story of the year I was on the Naughty List.  At the time I was fresh out of college, but still working at the restaurant I had worked at throughout college a couple nights a week.  A couple of my co-workers who were roommates decided to have a “Naughty or Nice” Christmas Party.  Now, given the fact that we all were between 18 – 25 and a good looking bunch, if I do say so myself, and course I do, I figured people would go the “naughty” route.  I guess I was still in the college mind set because whenever my fraternity had themed parties the “cowboy/Indian” party turned into “sexy cowboys/slutty Indians” party, and the “Laua” became “wear-a-cocoanut-bra-in-the-middle-of-February-party”…you get the idea.

Anyways, while out browsing for an awesome outfit for the party, I found a baseball tee with red arms and white body that said “team naughty” on it and it came with a pair of red and white striped boy shorts underwear and baseball socks.  Obviously this was intended for pajamas, but I also decided that with my black Uggs and Santa hat it would be the PERFECT ensemble for the night to come.  So at this point I’m pretty pumped for the party and I’m feeling pretty confident about my outfit.  I guess you can say I figured I’d fit right in.

I get to the party a bit late, as it was snowing and the roads were pretty slick, and I walk in with my black pea coat buttoned up to the top.  I walk through the door and look around.  Holy. Shit.  That’s seriously what I said, both out loud and in my head.  I’m pretty sure I said it in my head about 400 more times than I said out loud, but that’s not the point.  As I looked around I noticed the other 20 or so guests that were already at the party were dressed “nice”.  No, not just “nice”, I mean nice.  Every person in the room had on a nice dress, pearls, or a sweater vest.  I’m pretty sure there was even some bow ties mixed in, and here I am in my freaking underpants…W.T.F.??  Erica and Jon, the hosts, came over to me and offered to take my coat, as any good host would.  I immediately said “I can’t take my jacket off”.  They asked why, and I discreetly opened my jacket to show them what I was wearing.  No, let me rephrase that,  I showed them what I wasn’t wearing.  I proceeded to go into Erica’s room with her while she tried to convince me stay as I, almost in tears mind you, was trying to tell her I had to go home because there’s no way I could face this crowd dressed as a naughty elf.  At this point, Jon (my savior) came into the room with a tray of shots…after a shot (or 5) I decided that my outfit was actually completely appropriate for this party and made my way out to the crowd.

Though at the time it was probably the most mortifying moment of my life, today this story goes a long way.  I’m not sure I know of anyone else who who is stupid enough to get themselves into this mess…but even if I did meet someone on my level, I don’t know that they would shamelessly strut around that way all night.  In the end, this is obvious proof that though people say “alcohol isn’t the solution”, there are actually some cases where it is…this, my friends, is one of them! 😉

Have you ever had a “party foul”?  how did it end up?

The Gems Of BigY, Ellington

A couple of days ago I went to BigY to get some stuff to make myself and Ben a delicious dinner and I come out of the store to this tool is his late 90s Honda Civic with Lamborghini doors blaring music just chillin in parking lot.

Am I the only one who this this is absolutely ridiculous?? I mean seriously, what the hell? What is the point of putting these doors on a 15 year old car in the middle of nowhere Ellington, CT? Lmao this is ludicrous.

The Frustrations From Shopping At High Class Discount Stores…

I’m going to keep this short, mostly because even thinking about this infuriates me, but also because I don’t have much time.  So yesterday I rushed over to target to get this really cute dress in between when I left work and when I had to be at track practice.  I thought it would be totally fine time wise.  Of course after I got the dress I realized it was only appropriate to buy shoes to wear with it…so I did that, I was at Target after all…isn’t it a crime to leave there with only one item?  I still had AMPLE time to check out and get to practice early…or so I thought.  I went to the front of the store and there is only 3 checkout aisles open.  Now, normally at 4PM on a Wednesday that should be fine, but this Wednesday, for god know what reason there is over 20 people in each line.  No joke.  So anyways, I go to the 10 items or less lane, which was definitely a mistake because EVERY time I go into the 10 items or less lane my head almost blows up.  One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people go into the 10 items or less lane and they CLEARLY have more than 10 items.  The two customers, not just one, but two customers in line in front of me each have a heaping cart.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  Do you not see the sign that says “10 items or less?” Do you think that no one will notices?  Well I did notice, and I was about half a second away from telling them they needed to reevaluate what they are doing here but they opened a 4th checkout aisle so I quickly got distracted running to that lane (hey I was in a time crunch, don’t judge me!).

Now one would think this is a good move on my part…WRONG.  There is one person in front of me in the lane, so I’m thinkin easy-peasy, checkout her stuff and then it’s me.  NOPE!  She has 2 little boys with her that are INSISTING on scanning all the items and of course, the cashier, who was a boy that  looked to be about 17 years old, was going along with it.  Really?  come on, who in the world lets their kids do this!  And besides, I don’t have freakin’ time for this!  So anyways, they finally scan about every school supply in the whole damn store and then out of nowhere the woman whips out a stack of coupons about 3 inches thick.  No kidding! You can’t make this stuff up.  Now, I’m just basically waiting for the “Extreme Couponing” Camera Crew to come out of the wood works.  Finally, after what seemed like decades, I was able to check out.

Sheesh!  The one time I can get in and out of Target under $30 this happens to me! Go figure!  Oh, and if you were wondering about the 10 item or less line…yep both people with the heaping carts got out of the store before me…just my luck!

Just a day at the beach!

So, as promised on Saturday, I need to tell you all about this “gift” that my sister unexpected gave me.  She went to the beach with a few of her friends last weekend  and in the middle of the day I get a text from her.  “the ppl next to us at the beach literally have a mannequin head and the girl is referring to it as her boyfriend”.  wow…seriously?  she follows it up with these pictures:

COME ON!! where do these people come from?!  Hopefully all you lucky boys and girls that can go to the beach and enjoy this hot day will see something just as interesting…oh, and if you do, make sure you email it to me!!

#UConnProblems @UCONNPROBLEMS

I’m not feeling very fun or very funny today, but I happened to see this on Facebook.  One of my fraternity brothers (Thanks Alex) posted about this, and it’s hilarious.  I also went to UConn for my entire college experience, and many (if not all) of these are pretty close to the real truth.  Whoever made this tumbler site clearly went to UConn, and is also hilarious!

So, all of you who are gearing up for finals, are planning on going to UConn, went to Uconn, or if you just want a laugh, take moment and enjoy!  I promise you it’s totally worth it!

Click on this link:

Afternoon Delight

Every single time I see this pic, it cracks me up.   There I am taking a sexy pic of myself at the beach…notice the look of disgust on my sister’s face behind me that I’m taking a picture of myself.  HAHA

Afternoon Delight #13 Rack City Bitch

Well Thats One Way to Make Being The Owner of a Scooter a Little Bit Cooler

On my way home from going out to dinner with my mom last night, I something interesting.  Right there in the parking lot of a nearby hardware store there was a guy outside with his scooter.  First of all, who, over the age of 10, rides on a scooter.  Anyways, back to the real issue at hand:  His scooter had an under glow kit.  I’m not sure what the train of thought was here.  Does this make his scooter cooler?  I really wanted to take a picture of it, but he was standing right next to it…it looked like maybe he was proud of it or something.  I don’t know.  I do a lot of questionable things, and I have little shame when it comes to taking pictures of ridiculous things people do (hey, if they feel comfortable sharing it with the world, I feel I should help them), but in this case I think it would be a pretty asshole thing to do to ask the dude if I could take a picture of him and his sick ride just so I can make fun of him on eHT…What do you guys think?  The pic I have shown here is pretty much what it looked it, but as mentioned above I couldn’t take a picture of the actual subject, so I had no choice but to Google it.

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