If You Can’t Drive The Speed Limit, Get Off The Road

What is the deal with old people driving like 15 miles per hour.  No really, what is the deal with this?  I mean you’d think they would understand that their time here on earth is limited so they’d want to get to where they are going a little bit quicker. I thought of this while driving behind an elderly couple on my way back to work yesterday while on my lunch break.  We were on Kelly Road in South Windsor, where the speed limit is 30mph.  There was some road construction going on at the end of the street, so obviously everyone was going slow while passing that, but I figured once we passed this old geezer would put the pedal to the metal.  Boy was I wrong.  It literally took 4 minutes to travel .75 miles down the road to get to work.  At top speed we were going a meer 15mph.  It’s bad enough when I’m trapped in my dad’s car going 55 on the highway, but this…this was unbearable.   When I leave work at lunch to run errands, work out, or walk a dog I’m very limited on “driving time”.  So, of course, I get stuck behind this.  Seriously…who has time for this?  Then, to top it off, they take the right turn right before the driveway of my job, and they don’t even use a signal.  THIS, people, iswhy elderly people should NOT drive.

Road Rage Part 3:

This is exactly “road” rage, but it’d definitely in the top 5 of my pet peeves.  I cannot stand when people drive diagonally across parking lots.  It is so dangerous and a great way to create an accident or just piss someone off.  And, in my experiences, when someone (like me) is driving straight down an aisle (you know, where you’re supposed to be driving) and you cut off this  person who is just cutting across the lot like a maniac, they end up yelling at you or flipping you off.  Shut. up. you. are. wrong. you. asshole.  Come on!!  Don’t you see these lines on the ground?  They are similar to the ones on the road.  they show you were to drive…If you’re having an extra dumb day, you can use these lines as a reference at any time…thats why they are there.

Road Rage

There is something about driving that really makes my blood boil. Honestly, it really just makes me wonder how all of these people make it around on their own on a day-to-day basis, let alone how they manage to operate a motor vehicle.  Those of you who already know me know that my driving record is less than perfect…  Ok, I know what you’re thinking…maybe if I just calmed down a little I wouldn’t get in accidents or get tickets.  No.  That is completely untrue.  My road rage is actually the result of the above mentioned offenses.

Anyways, we’re not talking about my personal skills here; we’re talking about the skills (or lack there of) of the other drivers on the road.  So today, since I don’t have time to go through all my qualms with fellow road warriors, I’m going to focus on 3 items:  1. parallel drivers, 2. left lane drivers, and 3. asshole parkers.  As I’m sure you can imagine, there are many, many more groups of people who can cause road rage, but for today we’ll focus on these.

1. Parallel Drivers: When I drive home from work, I travel a fairly busy road with 2 lanes of traffic going in both directions.  The speed limit is 35, but since its a busy road, most people travel between 45-50.  Last night on my way home there was 2 cars traveling directly next to each other and BOTH were going 35.  This went on for at least 2 miles.  Are you kidding me!? If you’re both going the same speed can you PLEASE just get in the same damn lane?!  This also happens frequently on the highway, usually when you’re running late or in a rush.

2. Left Lane Drivers:  This is how I feel about the left lane:  If you’re traveling under 85mph, get the F out of the left hand lane.  I cannot tell you how many times I shoot over to the left hand lane so that I can get somewhere a little bit quicker and there’s some asshole in a Corolla driving exactly 65mph.  It’s especially bad when the highway isn’t even crowded.  Seriously, why do you feel that you need to be in the left hand lane and have every one pass you on your right?  The only sense that I can make out of it is that they are suffering from “road dyslexia”.  And, all I have to say about that, is:  Not my problem, get off the road.

3. Asshole Parkers:  I know for a fact that everyone has seen these guys.  You know, the pompous prick that just got a new truck or BMW, and to ensure that their car stays in pristine condition they take it upon themselves to utilize 2-3 parking spaces.  I have a brand new car, so yes, I understand wanting to keep it in its’ best state.  I also have no problem with the people who do this at the back of the parking lot, or in an otherwise vacant lot.  But the people who literally park on the meeting point of 4 spots at BigY on a crowded Sunday so that their new Silverado has a 3 foot buffer on all sides (yes this really happened)…this is uncalled for.  And to be completely honest, when I see this, I feel ever so slightly compelled to “accidentally” back into this vehicle or “unintentionally” drag my key down the side of the door when I pass, or, whoops, let the wind take control of my shopping cart’s path.

There is so, so much more that can be written about road rage and the ridiculous things that drivers to do cause other people to have it, but unfortunately, I’m out of time for today!  But trust me, there is definitely more from where this came from!

One Badass Grammy

SUVs….They aren’t for everyone

In my (humble) opinion, I think that certain cars belong with certain people.  You’ve got your trucks for men/boys that work with their hands, sports cars for teens and twenty-somethings and all men outside of this age range that want to pretend that they are still within it.  You’ve got your standard mini vans for the soccer moms and of course the civic/passat types for everyone else.  Then you’ve got the beast of the road…the SUV.  This vehicle, contrary to popular belief, are NOT for everyone!  If you frequently haul things, get an SUV.  If you need to tow things, get an SUV.  If you’ve got 5 kids, get an SUV.  If you’re collecting social security, DON’T get an SUV.  lets think about this logically…ok, we’ll break it down.  S.U.V….Sports Utility Vehicle….the only word out of those three that a senior citizen needs is a vehicle-and even that is debatable!  I’m going to start assuming things and say that most 80 year olds are no longer participating in sports or taking care of their own utilities.  It honestly pisses me off when 2 lanes are being taken up by a big ass Hummer and when I finally get the opportunity to pass them, I can’t even beep or flip the driver of this monstrosity because when I look over and see the 4’8″ little nugget behind the steering wheel for half a second I feel bad for them and get nervous that any small distraction could make them drift right off the road.  The elderly need SUVs just about as much as a baby needs a shot of tequila.  I say toss them into a Cadillac stocked with hard candies and call it day.

Morning Commute

So this morning I was sitting at a stop light on my way to work, half in a daze, when I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker.  At first glance, I assumed it said vegetarian.  So immediately, I thought to myself, who cares if you’re a vegetarian…not me.  Then I took a second glance and realized that it didn’t say vegetarian, but rather vaginaterian.  WTF does that even mean?  First of all, its gross.  Second of all, its freaking impossible.  Anyways, that’s my little Friday thought…thought I’d share how ridiculous people can be.

Spilled Milk

  Ever hear that statement “don’t cry over spilled milk”?  Well normally I would agree to this…you’re pouring a bowl of cereal and you spill some, or you reach across the dinner table and knock your cup over…not a big deal.  But I think there are some cases when crying over spilled milk would actually be appropriate.  Say you’re carrying a crate of milk and drop the whole thing on your foot and the bust open…ok well I guess in that case you’d be crying more over the fact that your foot is throbbing and not over the spilled milk.  But take this scenario into consideration…You’re a truck driver for Hood and you’re driving down the highway and get into a terrible accident where your truck topples over…now you have milk spewing from your trailer.  I’d say in this scenario with hundreds of gallons of milk streaming over the road, it would in fact be appropriate to cry over spilled milk.

Running Etiquette:

Last night I was out for a run with my dog, doing a normal route that I’m usually quite happy with, but last night was no ordinary night.  Where running usually relaxes me and makes me feel rejuvenated, by the end of my 5 miles, I found myself confused, and quite frankly a little annoyed.  Why, you may be thinking, did I feel this way?  Well, it’s really quite simple.  I saw approximately 7 other runners on my run (2 of them, running together, I saw twice because we were doing the same loop in opposite directions), and not even one of them had the decency to give me the “runner’s wave”, head bob or even eye contact for that matter!  I mean seriously, what is with that?  We are both out there, bonded by the love of running, in the heat, and you can’t even acknowledge me? How rude.

In my opinion, there are many people you do not have to acknowledge:

1. “Wheelers”:  Bikers, roller bladers and skateboarders.  They are a different species than us runners and because they are going too fast, they likely wont respond.
2. “Groupies:  Any group of 3+.  They are a running “clique” and will probably talk about you after if you say something to them (or maybe even if you don’t-who knows) because most likely a group of runners is a team and is between the ages of 15 – 18.  Don’t waste your time.
3. “Slow Pokes”:  Any runner you are passing from behind.  If you say anything, you’ll just be rubbing it in that you are better than them.
4. “Head-down joggers”:  they probably have their heads down because they are struggling…so again, don’t rub in that you are enjoying your run.

None of the people I ran into fell into these categories, thus leaving me disappointed in my fellow striders.  In my opinion, you should ALWAYS acknowledge a single running who is coming towards you.  You can do anything from an overzealous “Hi, how ya doin?” to even a single finger raise.  It’s really not that hard.

Top 5 Dumbest Things People Put on Their Cars:

I’ve been doing a lot driving recently and have been noticing things that people will do to their cars that are just absolutely ridiculous, and had to share my 5 with you.

1. Fake bullet holes. Do you really want to drive around making it look like your car got shot up? It may seem funny for a moment but to go forward and really put it on your car seems like nonsense.

2. Fake baseball through the window. This goes along the same page as the first, but seriously, do you really want it to look like a baseball went through your window and you didn’t do anything about it? Leave it to a Red Sox fan...

3. Stickers showing who is in the family. You have surely seen these popular stickers that show how many parents, kids and pets are in the family. The pedophile who lives around the corner has probably seen your sticker too. Think about that. (on a side note, even though I find this obnoxious, I also find it slightly cute and think maybe someday I'll put it on my car)

4. Bumper to Bumper Bumper Stickers. Come on...how is this not illegal. In addition to being absolutely hideous, and distracting, you can barely tell what kind of car this is or what the color of it is! There's also two types of bumper people: 1. those who are just obsessed with stickers and put one on their car for every radio station, race and band they have ever heard of, and 2. the more annoying: "Cause" people. You know, the ones that have a bajillion bumper stickers about "prolife" or "obama". Its great to have an opinion but they need serious help on their delivery!

5. Adhering items to your car. Trolls is one example, I've also seen McDonald's Happy Meal Toys, Stuffed Animals and a few other things. In what world is something like this ok? I think that's all I have to say because any normal person would not think this is an alright thing to do.