Category Archives: T.V.

Is the Bachelor the new Real World?


seanGrowing up in the 90’s and early 00’s I watched the Real World (even if it meant I had to do it sneakily because my parents wouldn’t let me watch it).  By the time I was in college, one thing I came to realize is that the only way that you will be accepted as part of the cast of this show is if you are seriously f*cked up in some way, shape, or form.  Everyone’s got a story.

A couple years later, once I’m out of college, leading the life of a young professional, AKA I have nothing to do on a Monday night, enter “The Bachelor”.  This is the third Bachelor/Bachelorette season that I’ve been drawn into and last night it dawned on me.  O.M.G. this is RIDICULOUS!  No, really it is.  It’s the Real World, only more embarrassing, and less fun (for the cast).  It’s like every girl that comes on the show has a story.  No, not just a story, a STORY.  Seriously.  One girl has only one arm, another girl is still “recovering” from watching a tree fall on her best friend at summer camp 15 years ago, another girl is milking the adoption card HARD, and yet another gets the paramedics called every freaking episode…and the list goes on and on.  Now, I’m not trying to be insensitive here, but come on!  It’s like every time Sean gets “one-on-one time” with one of the girls they are just DYING to explain to him why they are “the way they are”.

Did anyone ever think that maybe Sean just wants a nice girl without three trunk loads of baggage?  Watching the show, I actually laugh out loud because the look on Sean’s face when he’s having these “serious one-on-one conversations” is amazing.  It’s a cross of amusement, trying not to laugh, and constant annoyance.  Am I completely ranting about the show right now?  Absolutely.  Am I going to continue watching to see who he may or may not propose to?  ummm…ABSOLUTELY!  There’s only 6 girls left and next week they are “heating things up in the US Virgin Islands, and if you think I’m skipping out on that I have two words for you.  You’re Crazy.

tiaraOn a related note, Tiara is “Tiarrable” and she needs to go home, and possibly to a mental institution, like yesterday.  For real.  You can’t even make up the stunts this broad pulls!

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Is It Still Cannibalism If You’re Only Eating Ashes?


When the TV show “My Strange Addiction” first premiered sometime last year I set my DVR to automatically record new episodes.  I’ve only actually watched one or two because the show is actually a lot less interesting that I thought it would be, but last night with Bachelor Pad being over I was left with some free time.  I flipped on an episode of My Strange Addiction…I only watched about 10 minutes of it before I had to turn it off, but what I did see, I need to share.  This young 28 year-old woman named Casie unfortunately lost her husband in a freak asthma attack  a couple of months ago so she does what any normal person would do:  she pretends he’s still alive and brings his urn with her everywhere she goes and has conversations with it.  Legit – she has conversations with her husband’s ashes, asks his opinion on things, and cooks his favorite meals for him.  OK, I can almost come to terms with this because the woman is obviously pretty torn up, but what crosses the line is that she eats his ashes.  The last thing I heard Casie say before I had to turn off the TV was she likes to lick her fingers before she puts them into the ashes, and she “doesn’t just ‘dip’, she really swirls her fingers around to cake the ashes on good”.  OKkkkkk and that’s enough for me.  I mean besides the serious health implications that could be caused from eating a dead body that has been soaked in chemicals and burnt to ashes, the thought of eating someone you know is just raunchy.   The most disgusting part is that this isn’t something she has done once in a desperate action, but rather something she does multiple times each day…in fact, it’s the main part of her body at this point – she’s eaten a full pound of her husband and is running out fast!

Cake it on good, Casie…

Llife Lesson Ladies Can Learn From Little House on the Prairie


So, since Ben is away for the weekend, I’m left to my own devices…which for me, meant a 4 hour Little House on the Prairie  marathon.  It’s not that Ben wouldn’t let me watch it, or even watch it with me, but since he lets me choose what we watch 100% of the time, except Sundays 9-10PM (becaue Ax Men is on), everytime I pass Littine House on the Prairie when channel surfing, I scan right past it.  One man can only take so much…you know what I mean?

Little House on the Prairie has special meaning to me.  As a child my mom read the chapter books to me, and when I was old enough, I even read them myself.  I also distinctly remember “playing” Little House on the Prairie.  We would collect different berries and such store them inside the forts we made, and play school and help “built our house” and all sorts of other things.  It was a lot more fun than it sounds…I swear.  Anyways, this little house located on a prairie is a very wholesome place to be…and personally, I’m a fan.

As an “adult” (I use quotes because by age I guess I have to be an adult, but you’re only as old as you feel right?? and most of the time I feel like I’m about 16…whoopee!)  watching The Little House on the Prairie,  I can see that all women out there can really learn a lesson from Caroline Ingalls (the mother).  She really has her ducks in a row.  Episode after episode, while she is submissive and obedient to her husband, she secretly is getting everything she wants…the smart way.  What do I mean by this?  Oh, well that’s easy.  She either starts a project without telling her hubby, and then tells him once it’s to the point where he’ll happy about what is happening, or she just tricks her husband into thinking that what she wants was HIS idea…it’s really a genius plan.  Either way, she gets what she wants WHILE making her husband feel like he’s the ring leader.   Everyone gets what they want.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I definitiely think that this manipulation of the “weaker species” is both smart and necessary for a long and happy relationship.  Not one that I would ever implement in my own life though…never!  Not me! 😉  Oh, and girls (and guys if you’re man enough), if you wanted to catch up on some more tips like this, Little House on the Prairie play about 18 out of 24 hours on the Hallmark channel.

Where’s the Situation’s Spin Off?


Have you been wondering why PaulyD and Snookie/JWOW have gotten spin off shows while the rest of the cast have not?  Well, obviously Ronnie and Sammie’s spin off would be wicked lame…if it were just the two of them, Ron Ron Juice would be history, and without the rest of the house to rile them up, there would be no fights…boring.  Deena?  While Deena is a hot mess, I doubt she’d be at all interesting to watch without her meatball counterpart…and her shameless antics to get in Pauly’s bed would be nonexistent without Pauly.  Vinny, I can only imagine, will be a part of Pauly’s show.  With a bromance like that, nothing can keep those two apart.  But what about Mike?  The Situation has has been like a bull in a china shop over the past 4 years.  If he’s not blowing up someone’s spot, he’s pranking someone else.  If he’s not starting a fight with someone, he’s escalating the fight with himself…even to the point of giving himself a concussion.  And then of course, he plays the sympathy/pity card like no one I’ve ever seen.  So why, with all of these antics under his belt, has he not been offered his own show?  Because he is in rehab.  While fellow cast members have been filming their new shows,  the Sitch has been penned up in Cirque Lodge in Utah rehabilitating from a prescription drug addition.  Cirque Lodge, who also housed Demi Moore, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Lindsey Lohan, to name a few, doesn’t seem like such a bad place to get back on your feet!

While I don’t have many positive things to say about the Situation, I will say that it’s always good to see someone getting themselves help.  To me, this looks like a classic case of normal person turned celebrity overnight, for doing nothing but actin a fool.   When you add millions of dollars and a dwindling friend list, this was a recipe for disaster.  Hopefully this stint is his last, and he will return to the shore house this summer ready and rearing to go for JS season 6…Come on, we can’t lose Snookie AND Situation in one year!

Shore House = Bore House?


Happy Jersday!  Enjoy the wrap up of Season 5 because things are about to change…and likely not for the better for any anyone.  With Snooki’s recent pregnancy and engagement revelation, she has made it clear that there will be no shore house for her this summer.  She has mentioned that she may go down to visit, but she’s not going to be partying it up in at Karma.  So, without Snooki’s meatball madness, what is going to happen to the rest of the Jersey Shore Cast?  Who is Deena going to get wasted with at 11AM on a random Tuesday?  Who is JWOWW going to take care of?  Who is Vinny going to randomly hook up with, deny feelings for, but then swear that he has a special bond with?  And, who is The Sitch going to fight with….ok, well I’m sure Mike will find someone to cause drama with…that shouldn’t be a problem, but it’s besides the point.  Unfortunately this could cause some major turmoil down in Seaside Heights and could even cause the demise of the JS empire!

What makes me believe even more that the era of Ron-Ron Juice is over is the fact that many of the cast mates are signing onto spin off shows or signing major endorsement contracts.  Even Snooks has a new show coming up starring her and Jenni.  Their show is going to film the two gals as they mature into adulthood…BORING!  NEWSFLASH:  no one watches any of these characters for the respectful, responsible decisions they make, and I highly doubt they are going to start now. So, make sure you tune in for the rest of the season and don’t miss out on any of the drama, while its still around!

 

Paula’s Big Fat Secret


  Ok, so it’s not so much a secret anymore, and not a shocking one at that, but recent headlines revealed that Paula Deen, aka the queen of butter and deep friers, has Diabetes.  I’ve been meaning to write about this, but I haven’t had the chance.  Is this supposed to be surprising?  I’m sure everything Paula makes is absolutely delicious, but with the butter/actual food ratio that she uses in her recipes, I’m surprised she has even made it this far without more serious problems!  Notice the picture on the right…This is Paula just taking a quick sip of the butter.  That’s normal right?

Home Hand Sanitizer Dispenser


Since when has soap and/or antiseptic gel become unsanitary.  First we don’t use bar soap anymore because that’s gross, so we switch to gel soaps in pumps.  Then just washing your hands after using the bathroom or sneezing or before touching food has become inadequate and people are forced to believe that they need to carry around miniature hand sanatizers in their book bags, purses or even key rings.  Then it moves to the statement that even touching these containers is unsanitary and you need a “hands free hand sanitizer dispenser”?!  This is ludicrous.

I am totally and completely against the whole “hand sanitizer thing” and even more against needing an antibacterial hands-free dispenser to receive it from.  So these sanitizers supposedly kill 99.9% of germs…OK that’s wonderful, but did you ever really think about it?  99.9% of germs aren’t harmful.  In fact, it is this top layer of oil and skin that is peeled off from “waterless sanitizing products” when you use antibacterial gel that are supposed to be present in the body in order to keep us from getting sick!  I’ve even done some research here:  Barbara Almanza, an associate professor at Purdue University who teaches safe sanitation practices to workers, notes that hand sanitizers do not significantly reduce the number of bacteria on the hand and in many cases, it potentially increases the amount of bacteria on the hand.  Furthermore, without the “good bacteria” to fight the bad, frequent users of antibacterial gels and creams are more susceptible to illnesses!

Anyways, back to the real issue at hand.  A self cleaning product shouldn’t need a hands-free dispenser!  Even if the outside of the dispenser is a bit dirty, the crap coming out of it is supposed to sanitize the hell out of everything it touches…hmm.  Maybe if Americans were a little less worried about stripping their body of every germ they come in contact with and a little more worried about staying busy and active and leading an overall healthy lifestyle, less people would get sick.  It’s my personal belief that things like eating healthy, getting fresh air, getting exercise, and getting enough sleep are major factors in health.  Much more so, in fact, than making sure that you dry out your skin with sanitation gels!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not pro-dirty.  I definitely support washing your hands and a regular bathing schedule.  But personally, I think I’ll stick with good ole soap and water.  You know, really live on the edge! 😛

 

Who knew Bieber got zits too?


I was watching TV recently when I stumbled across the new Proactive commercial endorsed by the one and only Justin Bieber.  I don’t have a problem with The Biebs, I mean he’s going to be a teenager soon so he’ll probably start getting zits.  What I do have a problem with is his Proactive infomercial and here’s why:  In this commercial, Justin goes up to his teenie bopper fan’s homes and personally gives them their own supply of Proactive.  I don’t know about you, but when I was 14 I was a little bit self conscious and to have my celebrity crush just drop by to make sure that I know I have acne would pretty much be the worst day of my life.  Seriously.

Are You There Chelsea?


Chelsea Handler’s new show was a  hit in my house last week!   ok, so I’m the only person that lives in my house…who cares, I thought it was great!  If you don’t like Chelsea Handler, and/or you haven’t read her books or didn’t enjoy them immensely, you probably won’t like this show.  But, if you’re like me and this she’s hilarious and have also read all of her books and also think those are hilarious, you will love this show.

Last week’s premier episode took anecdotes from her book and up them into action.  How it was portrayed in the show is the exact images I was getting while reading her book.  Right down to her saintly roommate, this show was a hit for me.  Hopefully enough people will watch it that we can keep the female comedy hour on Wednesday!

Take a look, and tune in tonight!  At least give it a chance, it’s not too late to catch up!!

Shut your mouth you dirty little hamster!…and much more


You guys aren’t sick of Jersey Shore posts yet right?  Ok, good!  So obvi last night’s episode was crazy and entertaining.  I gotta tell ya, I didn’t know Vinny was such a mama’s boy…well I guess I kind of knew that, but I didn’t he’d start crying for god’s sake.  Also, who else thinks that Snookie should just come clean already?  I mean of course, as I mentioned yesterday, Mike is a humungous douche (which by the way, is a word that my mom used in coversation the other, describing me and my attitude…wonderful – it would be great if I never heard that word come out of her mouth again!) anyways, I digress…where was I?  Oh yes- Mike is a douche for sure and doesn’t need to be bringing up past events to cause DRAMA, but lets face the music here…obviously some sort of a situation happened between snooks and the sitch, so lets just come clean already!!

Anyways, today I wanted to give you a list of top Jersey Shore quotes.  Since it’s so hard to pick 10 out of the millions that are both hilarious and ridiculous if you have any additions, feel free to add them!  In no particular order:

DJ PaulyD:

  • “My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off & go into the ice cream. This hair ain’t movin’ my dude. 150mph on the highway on a street bike… it doesn’t move! What makes you think it’s gonna move in a gelato shop?” – PaulyD in regards to having to wear a hair net in the Gelato shop in Miami in Season 3.
  • “Ryder’s looking good tonight, but she already had sex with Vinny. And I’m not really cool with Vinny’s sloppy seconds, so I don’t really know what to do with her. But, I don’t want to be rude. So, whether you’re the first man in or the last man in, ride her.” -PaulyD in regards to hooking up with Snookie’s friend Ryder after Vinny and Unit.
  • “Snooks got hit in the face again, poor girl … somebody’s got to teach her how to fight. Or duck.” – Pauly after Snookie gets wailed in the bar.
  • “GTF!  Gym, Tan, Find out who Sammi is Texting behind Ronnie’s Back”
  • “OH YEA, WAKE UP YEAAA!”
  • “You better send roses to the house, you feel me?!  Roses, dawg, with pickles in ’em!!  FRIED PICKLES!”
  • “I’m over here tryin’ to clean my sneaks, I can’t concentrate with all this fighting .. like they’re talkin’ about f*ckin’ relationships and my sneakers are dirty!” -PaulyD in regards to one of the thousands of blowouts between Ronnie and Sammy

Mike the Situation:

  • “It just so happens that Deena defies the laws of intelligence. I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist.”
  • “We’re waiting for Sam, who’s straightening her hair… whose hair is already straight! Come on man! The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.”

Vinny:

  • “Hell has to be just like this.”
  • “[to JWoww, on his bling] It’s like your t!ts. Looks sick, but it’s fake.”
  • “And then there are some girls that are respectful, that you actually have to treat like girls – human beings.” – Vinny

Ronnie:

  • [Jersey Shore math] ” Me and Sam actually leave around like 4 o’clock, we’ve been here since 12 o’clock, 5 hours is like enough.”
  • “What I did in Miami, at least I had enough respect for you to do it when you weren’t around.” How can Sammi not see the logic and love in that?
  • “Snooks made the first pizza pie, and it came out pretty good.  and I’m like, if Snooks can do it, we all can do it…you know what i mean?  you know what I mean.”

Snookie:

  • “I can’t see any ice creams, I can’t see any customers, cuz I’m a f*ckin’ Smurf.” -Snookie in regards to being short and working at the gelato shop.
  • “I’m not trashy. Unless I drink too much.” – Snooki I’m pretty sure this one explains itself.
  • “This is why I don’t eat friggen lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it”
  • [Snooki, on the southern guy]Obviously he, like, f*cks his sister for a living.”

Jenni JWow:

  • “I left the club because I didnt want to cheat on my boyfriend….and I wanted to eat ham and drink water.  See?  Ham…water”
  • [in regards to Deena showing her choca to the entire club] “It’s bad enough if a nipple slips when you’re at the club, but you never f*cking forget your underwear. That is (yuck). All I know is, Deena needs a wax.”
  • “We’re working at a f@#king pizzeria in Florence. When I’m 80 years old and I’m making pizza in my kitchen and I’m teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, oh, where’d you make pizza, bitch I made it in Florence, that’s where I made pizza so shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza.”

Deena:

  • “I have no idea why Sammi’s here. She’s boring. There’s nothing to her. There’s nothing there. She’s like furniture.”
  • “I’m hungover, I’m not having a good time. Work blows d*ck for skittles right now, I wanna kill myself.”
  • [Sammi]’s “probably Ronnie’s backpack anywhere he goes in the club. She’s a female backpack.”
  • “Mike’s new thing is karate. I’m like yeah, alright Mike. Do your thing, Kung Fu Panda.”

Sammi Sweetheart:

  • (drunk, to Ronnie) “You stumpy bastard.”
  • “I don’t know what’s going on here because Nicole is all about Jionni, and Deena, are you lesbian?”
  • “I was mature by putting stuff on Ron’s bed but throwing it out is going a little too far.” haha whatever you need to tell yourself sweetheart

 

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