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The Two Kinds of People In This World

So if you ask me, or one of my really good friends at work, there are two kinds of people in this world.  People who love Starbucks, and People shouldn’t be allowed to talk to us people who love Starbucks.  I know this statement may sound a little bit aggressive, but this is struggle of the world we live in.  And, a true Starbucks lover not only loves Starbucks, but also hates Dunkin Donuts.  Now I don’t want to hear any mumbo-jumbo about how DD is so much cheaper or how Starbucks is so much more pretentious because it’s just not true-so stop it.

I feel like I can say things like this because my first job, which was one of my favorite jobs ever, was working at DD.  I was seriously so good at that shit.  Light and sweet, no problem.  Black one sweet and low, you got.  So I know. I see what goes on, and I know how their burnt coffee tastes.  Really, it’s insulting to your taste buds.  I’d drink sitting-out-all-day-at-a-random-rest-stop-gas-station-coffee before I pulled into Dunkin.  Erin does not run on Dunkin.

To really drill in my point, there as this one day, I did stop at DD on my way to work.  I was at a low point.  Really low.  In fact, I also got a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant, and hash browns, and the fat person inside of me gobbled that shit down and got crumbs and ketchup everywhere. Like I said, it was a low; I’m not proud.  By the time I got to work I was so regretful, and quite frankly, embarrassed by this lapse in judgement I picked up multiple Starbucks coffee cups off the floor of my car and strongly considered dumping my Dunkin brew in so no one would see me this way.  I couldn’t find one that I trusted enough to drink out of again, so I did what I had to do and slinked into work with my Dunkin Donuts coffee and pretended everything was normal.  No joke, my coworker noted this cup on my desk and came up to me later in the day an inquired on my mental and physical health.  <–this seriously happened.

photoAnyways, this past weekend, I went to Newport, and after a fantastic Crawfish Boil (aka a day that consisted of eating and drinking heavily) and I knew the only way I would get home would be to stop at Starbucks.  So I went to Starbucks in downtown – no parking spots, fantastic.  So I did what any sane person would do.  I parked illegally and ran inside.  OF COURSE the line was out the door (why wouldn’t it be, we are talking about Starbucks), but I waited.  Sometimes a good coffee is worth risking that your car is going to be towed.  After being in line 20 minutes, I made another extremely rational decision:  I got not one, but two coffees.  A cold one to suck down immediately, and a hot one to enjoy on my ride home.  My only mistake was not buying larger coffees, or buying more coffees and asking some hipster sitting at table if they’d help me lug them all to my car.  When I got back outside, my car was still there, with no ticket on it.  The world was on my side that day.

Yep, I’m “That Guy”…

So this morning started out GREAT!  I was up and at ’em by 5 to workout, showered, got fancy and “did” my hair, and still had plenty of time to make myself an omelet and enjoy it while watching a little TV.  Remarkably, I even had time to organize my wallet, where I found a “Free Large Coffee” coupon for Dunkin Donuts.  And not one of those “Free Large coffee with a $5 breakfast sandwich” kind.  This was the rare “no purchase necessary” kind.  Normally I don’t stop for coffee on my way into work because we have coffee provided to us for free here (yes, I know how lucky I am!).  However, since I was running early (crazy, right?) for once and had this coupon I decided to make the stop.

I pull up to the drive through and though there was only about two people in line, I had to wait a minute to order.  Since I ended up right in front of a garbage can, I continued my productivity and voided the front seat of old coffee cups, receipts, and other miscellaneous trash…things were going great.  Next thing I know, I’m thinking to myself “wait, where the hell do I order?”…yep I drove right by the speaker.  In hindsight I should have realized this about 30 seconds earlier considering the person behind me gave me a quick beep, which I initially thought was a “It’s early and I’m cranky and late” beep, but was actually a “hey you missed the speaker” beep.  In my defense, I was completely distracted by Courtney talking about Julianne Hough’s horrific childhood and Justin Bieber smoking pot.  By the time I figured out what the hell was going on, there were people behind me so I couldn’t back up, so I just decided to roll up to the window and see what happened.  I got to the window and the girl working tried to hand me a box of donuts, this is where I sheepishly had to explain that not only did I forget to order my coffee at the speaker, but I had forgotten to order my free coffee at the speaker…they must have loved me.

On a side note, later in my commute (which from this story sounds like its hours, but really its only 10 minutes) I saw this woman driving with her windows down…its 21 degrees.  what the…Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with people, and I’m not just talking about myself!

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