Blog Archives

The 10 People At Races that Literally Make Me Want To Scream


Me and Kathryn post-race.

Me and Kathryn post-race.

So if you didn’t know this already, I am a runner.  Not a good runner, but a runner nonetheless.  Now that it’s (finally) starting to get warm, I’m FINALLY getting outside, and this past weekend I ran my first race of the season.  I won. Just kidding, but at least I didn’t come in last!  I ran with my new running buddy, Kathryn, and it was perfect weather and we had fun and supported a cause close to my heart – ALS.  Anyways – while running the race, I mentally came up with a list of the top 10 people at races that literally make me consider tearing my own arm off so that I have something to throw at them.  In no particular order, here we go:

  1. Shuffley Shuffleson – that guy who literally drags his feet along the whole 3.1, 6.2, 6.55, 13.1, or god help me, 26.2 miles.  LIFT UP YOUR FUCKING FEET!
  2. Trojan Man! – that guy, who inevitable is probably about 25 lbs overweight and a neophyte runner, that is dressed up under armor from his condom beanie hat, matching compression top, and running tights.  He really has no business wearing this, but obviously while he has it on everyone knows he means business.
  3. “The Encourager” – that guy that encourages you to “keep it up” as he blows by you on that 80% grade hill.  Literally, if I catch up to you, I’m going to kick you, so I hope for your sake you keep that stamina.
  4. Mr. Sniffles – that guy that just keeps sniffing.  Blow a snot rocket, wipe your nose on your shirt, blow your nose into your hand, let it drip.  I. dont. care. Just stop sniffing every 2 steps.  Seriously – you’re giving me vertigo.
  5. Sir Disgruntled – that guy that keeps grunting throughout the entire race.  Are you giving birth or running a 5k?  You might want to take it down a few notches because if you’re at the same place in the race as as me, you’re no where near winning, and if you pass out you’re shit outta luck because my CPR certificate expired circa 1998.
  6. The Walk, Run, Winner – that guy that you’re neck and neck with throughout the whole entire race.  You pass them while they’re walking, then they cruise by you, then you pass them when they take their next “break” and again they cruise by you.  It’s best to just try to ignore this person, because as much as they don’t deserve to, there is a really good chance that their going to beat you in the end, so coming to terms with this earlier in the race is for the best.
  7. Mr. DJ – that guy that decides he is going to listen to music while he’s running.  Except instead of using earphone like a normal human being, he takes it upon himself to supply everyone within a 15 foot radius of him with his “sick playlist”.  Thanks for the consideration pal, can’t thank you enough, how did you know I wanted to listen to that awesome techno for the next half hour?!
  8. The Camel – that guy that has a full on water belt for the 50 degree 5K.  If you seriously need 32 ounces of water to run the next three miles, perhaps running isn’t the right sport for you.  In fact, if you can drink 32 ounces of water over the course of the next three miles without throwing up or peeing your pants I take back what I just said because I’m flat out impressed.
  9. The Coach – this guy is very similar to The Encourager, but worse.  This guy not only encourages you to keep on keeping on, but also give you a few quick tidbits of advice to help you come in 498th in the small-town road race that you’re regretting registering for 6 months ago.  “You’re doing a great job!  Only .4 miles until the top of this hill, then just open your legs and let your body coast on the downhill.  You’ve got this man”.  I. hate. you.  Literally I hate this guy.  He isn’t your coach, you’re not asking him how on earth you can get to the top of this hill.  This guy needs to learn how to mind his own biz before someone teaches him how to.
  10. This guy – Sir did you forget your shoes?  It’s cold, wet, oh and outdoors here-you should have shoes on.  What are you doing with your life? #icant.Untitled
Advertisements

Sebago Lakehere we come!!


After a week of work, we are ready for our next adventure:  Sebago Lake!  One of my very good friends is moving to Austin, TX from CT in about a month and since her family has a cabin on  Sebago Lake she is having her last big hurrah up there this weekend!   There is going to be about 20 of us up there enjoying the lake and good times to come. The group of people going is a mishmash of her and her boyfriends friends from home (NH and CT), college friends, and new friends like me!  I’ve met a lot of the people who are gong to be there, but not everyone…I have heard a lot about everyone though so I can’t wait to meet them all.  Oh, and I’ve never been to Sebago Lake, so I’m SUPER PUMPED to experience it for the first time!

I’m also excited to spend some QT with my friend before the big move! We haven’t been friends all that long, only about a year, but in that time we have spent a lot of time together working, coaching, running, working out, and OF COURSE eating pizza!  Who is ever going to fill these shoes!?  At least the move is only supposed to be 11 months (by the way, she originally told me 10…probably to lighten the blow, but its definitely 11…wah!). 

From what I hear there will be a lot of eating and drinking, swimming and tubing, game playing (including board games) and I’m sure a lot more that I don’t even know about yet…So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d have to try really really hard to have a bad time.  Though I’m sad to see them go, of course I wish her and her boy nothing but the best, and that being said…lets get this par-tay starrrteddd!!!

%d bloggers like this: